Desires closeness but fears it deeply. Caught between wanting connection and fearing hurt. Often experienced as push-pull dynamics.
Core Belief
I want love but I will get hurt. People are both necessary and dangerous. I cannot trust but I cannot survive alone.
Core Strategy
Disorganized—oscillates between seeking closeness and pushing away. No consistent strategy for handling attachment needs.
Origin
Caregivers were source of both comfort and fear. Created impossible bind: the source of safety was also threatening.
Strengths
- Capable of deep emotional insight
- Can understand both anxious and avoidant perspectives
- When secure moments occur, deeply appreciative
- Potential for profound healing and growth
Challenges
- Unpredictable push-pull behavior confuses partners
- May sabotage relationships when getting close
- Difficulty trusting even when partner is reliable
- Can dissociate or become chaotic under stress
- Tests partner's loyalty in destructive ways
- •Extreme patience and consistency
- •Clear boundaries maintained with compassion
- •Steady presence that doesn't chase or flee
- •Understanding of their internal conflict
- •Depth of understanding once trust is built
- •Empathy for all attachment struggles
- •Intense moments of connection
- •Appreciation for secure love
Conflict Behavior
Chaotic responses—may swing between pursuing and withdrawing. Can become overwhelmed and dissociate.
Intimacy Response
Wants closeness desperately but feels overwhelmed and scared when it arrives. May flee or sabotage.
Requires therapeutic support. Need to understand trauma origins. Build slowly with consistent, patient partner. Learn to tolerate both closeness and space.
Types most likely to exhibit this attachment style:
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