The Two Dimensions
High Anxiety: Fear of abandonment, need for reassurance, sensitivity to partner's availability.
Low Anxiety: Comfortable with partner's independence, doesn't worry about rejection.
High Avoidance: Discomfort with closeness, values independence, suppresses emotional needs.
Low Avoidance: Comfortable with intimacy, seeks closeness, shares feelings openly.
The Four Styles
The Anchor
Comfortable with intimacy and independence. Can depend on others and allow others to depend on them. Trusts that relationships are generally safe and rewarding.
The Pursuer
Craves closeness and fears abandonment. Highly attuned to partner's moods and availability. May sacrifice own needs to maintain connection.
The Island
Values independence highly. Uncomfortable with too much closeness. May dismiss the importance of relationships while appearing self-sufficient.
The Waverer
Desires closeness but fears it deeply. Caught between wanting connection and fearing hurt. Often experienced as push-pull dynamics.
The Attachment Matrix
Anxious-Preoccupied
High Anxiety, Low Avoidance
Fearful-Avoidant
High Anxiety, High Avoidance
Secure
Low Anxiety, Low Avoidance
Dismissive-Avoidant
Low Anxiety, High Avoidance
What's Your Attachment Style?
Discover your attachment pattern and how it interacts with your Enneagram type.